


The proof is in the pudding (but all I have is yogurt)

by TumblingBackpacks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 4+1, Gen, Or Is he?, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Vampire Loki (Marvel), basically crack, peter and shuri are trying to find out, references to vines and memes, they're a chaos duo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28502085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TumblingBackpacks/pseuds/TumblingBackpacks
Summary: 4 times Peter and Shuri tried to prove Loki was a vampire and 1 time he might have been
Relationships: Loki & Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Shuri
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	The proof is in the pudding (but all I have is yogurt)

1

Shuri and Peter were animatedly talking to Loki about the culture of memes. He was listening intently, slightly nodding his head as they spoke. 

“And for this next one,” Shuri explained, “Basically this dude is like, ‘How did you defeat Captain America.’”

Peter continued in a German accent, “We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he’s an idiot.”

They both burst out laughing and Loki smiled as well. Shuri swore that she could see the glint of a sharper tooth as he did so. Was that a fang?

Later in the day, she confessed her theory to Peter.

“I’m telling you, I saw it! He had fangs!”

“Really?” Peter said, he looked around them as if to check for any eavesdroppers, “Are you sure?”

“We can access the security footage to double check.”

With a little help from JARVIS, they were able to access the camera logs from earlier that day. There was a glint of light that flashed from Loki’s mouth when he smiled.

“No way,” Peter said, eyes wide.

“I knew it!” Shuri said, “But no one will believe us based on one video. We need to investigate this more.”

Shuri and Peter shared a conspiring look. They had the time, energy, and means to validate their theory, not to mention the steadfast determination to learn something new. Plus, didn’t Thor say he was adopted? 

So far, all of their observations seemed to point to yes, he was a vampire. Loki rarely ever left the building, sticking to shady areas and teleporting between locations rather than going outside. Hmm… they needed to test more. 

2

“Here!” Peter said, holding up a garlic bulb, “Eat this!”

Loki leaned away from him, “Pardon?” 

“Eat it!” Shuri insisted.

Loki’s face scrunched up, “I’d rather not.”

Seeing that it would be difficult to convince him, Shuri nudged Peter in a signal to activate his secret weapon.

“Come on, please?” Peter looked up at Loki, giving his best puppy eyes.

A moment of hesitation passed as Loki’s eyes flickered between them, the garlic, and back to them. 

“The answer is still no.”

Dang it! They were so close. Still, ‘can’t eat garlic’? That’s another check box on their ‘must be a vampire’ list.

“Fine.” Shuri huffed. “We’ll just see you later then.”

“I suppose I will.” 

“Bye Mr. Loki!”

Loki gave them a half wave in response and teleported away. 

“Any ideas for more tests left?” Peter asked.

“I have a couple.”

3

Peter and Shuri were discussing how to approach their next plan when they saw the movement of the door push open. 

“Hey kiddos, what are you two up to?”

“Hi Mr. Stark,” Peter responded cheerily, “We were just talking.”

“Just wanted to tell you that Cap was planning a movie night later.”

“Awesome,” Shuri said, “Is there popcorn?”

“Obviously, buttered and kettle corn.”

Peter grinned. “We’ll be there!”

Tony left without closing the door all the way. 

“Rude,” Shuri said.

Peter was just about to get up to close the door when it was pushed open once more. Loki knocked against the door frame, “Hello.”

“Oh hey!” Shuri greeted.

“May I come in?” he asked. 

Peter and Shuri shared a look. 

“No,” Shuri said slowly.

“Alright, I suppose I shall see you two later.” Just as he turned to leave, Peter called out after him.

“Wait, wait no. You can come in. I’m inviting you in.”

Shuri picked up on what he was doing, if Loki didn’t enter when she said no, but did enter when Peter invited him in, that would add more proof.

“Yeah,” Shuri added, “I was just joking, you can enter.”

Loki turned back around with an “oh” expression. He came into the room and sat cross legged where they were seated. “So what were you discussing?”

Oh no. They hadn’t thought this through. They couldn’t tell him their suspicions yet. 

“Um,” Peter said, “We were talking about...”

“Movies!” Shuri finished. That was a suitable cover up, right? “Tony came in earlier talking about a movie night.”

“Right, movie night!” Peter said, “You should join.”

“I’m not familiar with many movies from Midgard.” Loki said.

“That’s alright,” Shuri replied, “You can join for the popcorn!”

“It’ll be really fun.”

Loki smiled, “If you say so, I’m sure it will be.”

Suddenly, they were interrupted by a booming voice, “Brother!”

Loki rolled his eyes before shooting them an apologetic look, “I have to go.”

“Okay, see you at the movie night!”

A split second later, Loki teleported out of the room and the two of them were alone again.

As he walked away, Peter and Shuri turned to each other. The evidence was piling up.

4

“Vampires are supposed to avoid silver right?” Peter asked.

“I think that’s for werewolves.” Shuri said. “For vampires it’s supposed to be… crosses? I’m fairly certain at least.”

Peter nodded, “Where are we supposed to get a cross anyway?”

“Can we just get one online?” Shuri frowned. “But if we did that, it might just be some cheaply made knock off.”

“I bet we could make a better cross anyway.”

“We need materials though,” Shuri said. “Didn’t you mention you had access to Tony’s labs?”

-

“There he is!” Peter whispered, pointing over to the couch where Loki was seated, reading a book. 

“Quick!” Shuri said, urging him forward.

Peter chucked the cross at him, and sure enough, Loki dodged it. Loki narrowed his eyes in their direction, glanced back at the cross now laying on the floor, and promptly teleported away.

“I knew it!”

“He avoided it!”

Peter and Shuri talked over all the evidence they had gathered, and the results were pretty conclusive. They shared a look, it was time to confront him about it.

+1 

“The jig is up!” Peter declared as he and Shuri burst into the room. Well more like sprinted through the doors, but semantics.

“Sorry?”

“We know you’re a vampire, you can’t hide it any longer!” Peter said.

“I—” Loki flashed a confused expression, “What is a vampire?”

“You know what they are.” Shuri said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

“Humor me, then.”

“It’s a creature that is repelled by crosses and drinks blood, but they can’t go into sunlight, eat garlic, and die by being stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake.”

Loki rolled his eyes, “I’m not a vampire or whatever ‘creature’ you claim, and I’m fairly sure being stabbed through the heart would kill anyone.”

“Wait what? But this doesn’t make sense!” Shuri exclaimed. “You never go outdoors!”

“First of all, rude,” Loki said. “And just because I prefer not to doesn’t mean I am unable.”

“What about avoiding the cross?”

“You threw it at my face, was I supposed to let it hit me?”

Peter opened his mouth to provide a rebuttal before closing it again, “Okay fine, that’s valid.”

“But you didn’t eat the garlic we gave you last week.” Shuri added. 

“People don’t just eat entire cloves of garlic alone,” Loki tilted his head in consideration, “Or is that a Midgardian custom I was unaware of?”

“But...” Peter trailed off. “But the door...”

“Which door?”

“When we were in our room, you didn’t go in until we gave permission.” Shuri clarified.

Loki blinked, “I was being polite, I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Vampires can’t enter unless invited!”

“I’m fairly sure that entering uninvited is trespassing.” Loki responded.

Peter’s shoulders slumped. “So you’re not a vampire?”

“No,” Loki said, “Though this interaction was rather amusing.”

“Alright, sorry for bothering you then.” Shuri said. “Are you still up for more memes later?”

“Of course.”

Shuri headed towards the door, Peter following behind her. He had been so sure they were right about this! Peter turned back to look at Loki one more time before the left. 

Loki winked at him, transforming into a bat with a puff of smoke before flying out the open window. 

“Jarvis, tell me you caught that.” Peter said, eyes wide as he stared at the now empty room. “You saw that right?”

“Apologies. I’m afraid I haven’t seen anything.”

Peter sighed in defeat. So close.

Bonus:

Loki landed on the roof before shapeshifting back into himself and teleporting back to the common room. He looked directly into a camera, “Thank you Jarvis.”

“Always a pleasure.” Jarvis responded, saving the footage of the entire investigation. Just because he was meant to be defending the tower didn’t mean he couldn’t have fun while doing it.

**Author's Note:**

> Jarvis is a troll and you can’t change my mind. Also I have no idea what I was thinking when I came up with the title, but it was funny to me so I kept it.
> 
> Okay, so Peter and Shuri have a few of the vampire traits wrong, but that's because they're basing it off stuff they've heard ~~haha totally not because I forgot to look up the actual traits before writing~~. So the ones I based them off here are that vampires are repelled by garlic and crosses, can’t enter without an invitation, and can transform into bats.
> 
> Technically, they don’t have a reflection and therefore wouldn’t show up on a camera but I just fudged a few facts for the purposes of this story. Also, vampires can’t enter houses without being invited, but after they are invited in they have free range to come and go as they please within the house, so that one was misrepresented in the fic as well.
> 
> This was really fun to write though and I hope it was enjoyable to read. Comments/constructive criticism welcome :)


End file.
